At Malfoy Manor
by Sugarquill gang
Summary: An introspective fan fiction through the eyes of several characters from Harry Potter


This story was created by the Sugarquill gang by doing a one sentence each thread, the gang comprises of:  
  
Blue eyed Athena, TPR, Aevil, Hippie, bohemian vixen, Argelfraster, VaniityX, ClaireBear, Allibabab, Siriusly insane, Queen of the tinfoil fish, booklovr, Audrey, bliss, Seven, lotrfan, hermweasly, Slipjig66, Ara kane, Silver patronus, Rhea, PBS Jones, Rugi Corrino, I dislike Penguins, Opehlia, Ashavah, Ginny, Drezella Eleanor Winesap, Nikita  
  
WARNING: Innuendo ahead!  
  
Once upon a time, Draco Malfoy , The-Boy-Who-Has-A-Nice-Butt,  
  
owned a pair of leather pants.While he was ordering his servants  
  
around (strenuous work, you see) in Malfoy Manor, they accidently  
  
ripped at the knee so, he stripped down to his tartan boxers.  
  
He glanced down at his bare skin and said, "I'm dead sexay!"and how  
  
very right he was. Then, Draco sat down at the breakfast table  
  
to eat his banana. Halfway through eating it, his father,  
  
the one-and-only Lucius Malfoy with the Legolas-hair, walked in the  
  
dining room, looking stern as he usually does,Vicious, cold-blooded  
  
piece of toast. But that toast held a lot of passionate urges to have  
  
vengeance for the death of his sister, yesterdays breakfast, so the  
  
toast attacked Draco from the insides! Causing him to belch slugs,  
  
Weasley style, much to Draco's horror. Just then, Draco's father  
  
walked on the scene. "What the bloody hell, Draco!...You just ruined  
  
my brand new shoes with that slug! Foolish boy!" Lucius began too  
  
pick up the slugs. He placed one long, slimy slug into his mouth and  
  
smiled. "Good Jelly Slugs!" he commented and promptly dropped to  
  
the floor in a trance-like state, murmuring under his breath.  
  
Just then, Narcissa walked in to hear what her husband was saying,  
  
"Must...Kill...Monkeys!" he murmured as he got up and started to  
  
do the robot, much to Narcissa's horror. Just then, Draco stood up,  
  
spread his arms out wide, and holding his banana like a makeshift  
  
microphone, began serenading his family with the  
  
opening song of The Lion King. "Naaaaaaaaaah shee wemya!..."  
  
As Lucius was lying on the floor mumbling, Narcissa was standing  
  
very still with a look of dread covering her face, and Draco  
  
was singing show tunes, Ginny Weasley walked in chomping noisely on a  
  
large, electric green piece of sparkly bubble gum. She cracked it  
  
loudly, twirling a large, blonde hair extension around a manicured  
  
finger, and rolling her eyes,"Draco baby! Look at you!  
  
*giggle*giggle* I know my heart belongs to Harry, but I must  
  
say you look damn sexy in those boxers!"  
  
Draco waggled his eyebrows at Ginny, then squeezing his eyes shut,  
  
one hand Michael Jackson-style, one hand outstretched, he screeched,  
  
"Caaan you feeeeel the looooove toooniiiiiight..."  
  
At which point, Ginny ran away screaming. Headlines the next day read:  
  
'Gryffindor Girl Terrorized by Tartan-Wearing Tenor'  
  
Meanwhile, back at Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore put down his paper  
  
and shook his head. Back at good old Draco's chaos ensued.  
  
A troupe of dancing monkeys appeared in the manor, and dear  
  
old Lucius was going crazy, stomping on his own hands. Suddenly all  
  
of Draco's hair fell out, which is okay because he has a GORGEOUS head!  
  
Suddenly, Dobby appeared out of nowhere, and cried,  
  
"Slobberflots attack!"  
  
JK Rowling called a halt to this unauthorised madness, placing a  
  
hand over Dobby's mouth, and shouting, "Slobberflots? SLOBBERFLOTS?????  
  
That is IT!!! Ginny, get back here young lady! Blonde hair  
  
extensions OFF!!! Bubblegum GONE!!! Quit the GIGGLING!!!  
  
And get over there and SNOG HARRY!!!"  
  
So, Ginny, IMMEDIATELY did as she was told, dragging Harry into a dark corner. Harry, who emerged sometime later with a large grin on his face, was suddenly attacked by Malfoy who was in turn being attacked by the slobberflots.  
  
"Wait!!" Shouted JKR, "I'm the boss here and I said No Slobberflots until book 6!"  
  
The Slobberflots scurried away leaving Malfoy in Harry's arms.  
  
Ginny re-emerged and glanced dolefully at Harry.  
  
"Harry dear...I don't suppose you're wearing tartan boxers?"  
  
Harry grinned sheepishly..  
  
"Well, now you mention it, I'm not wearing any boxers!" [pic]  
  
Ginny eyed Harry suggestively. In a very subtle, unnoticeable way,  
  
she thrust her hip out toward him, batting her eye lashes, and pouting  
  
her lips. Their eyes locked and they seemed to spin off the earth,  
  
into eternal nothingless, and they could see no one, could hear no one,  
  
could feel no one, but each other.  
  
A sudden tap on Ginny's shoulder brought them smashing through the  
  
stars and planets and space back to Earth. "I'm wearing tartan boxers!"  
  
Malfoy told her earnestly, eyes pleading.  
  
Ginny gaped. Harry gaped. Even Malfoy blinked, as if not believing  
  
what he had just spoken, before the earnest look returned to his eyes.  
  
"Please Ginny," he said, all the ferret-like arrogance gone.  
  
"I put them on thinking of you.."  
  
"Drac-" Ginny started, but Harry interrupted her.  
  
"Malfoy," he said firmly. "I--I love you" Harry seemed shocked, but continued nevertheless. "You can't have Ginny. I'd die of jealousy.  
  
Now how about you show *me* those tartan boxers?"  
  
Suddenly the Fairy of Sense appeared into the room, and magicked  
  
Draco up some clothes to ensure his ferret like body could not be  
  
seen, before turning to Harry with a thunderous expression on her  
  
face...  
  
"Go home, Harry. Now." And Harry did as he was told. When he got  
  
there, however, he found that there was someone lying naked in his  
  
bed.  
  
Closing his eyes hurriedly he cleared his throat. "Ron, what are you  
  
doing?"  
  
"Ron! What are you doing in my bed?" Exclaimed Harry, just as a  
  
rather sheepish Hermione lifted up her head, and sat up to expose a  
  
very naked self.  
  
Hermione smiled and said "Oh, Hi Harry! We were just having a  
  
bed-in to protest the Voldemort war! Care to join us?" Harry looked  
  
around, apparently contemplating. "Here's what I'll do.."  
  
But Harry was unable to complete that thought, because at that exact  
  
moment, Voldemort walked into Harry's room, carrying with him a  
  
lifetime supply of noodles. He grinned evilly and brandished  
  
them wth a flourish.  
  
"So, Potter," he exclaimed, raising the noodles dramatically and farting really loudly.  
  
Voldemort blushed a bright pink - so bright, in fact, that Harry was blinded. He staggered backwards, falling directly into the lap of one very naked Ronald Weasley,  
  
"Bloody hell Harry!" gasped Ron, "I didn't know you felt that way!"  
  
Harry pushed himself off the bed blushing as Voldemort turned and  
  
slapped Harry with a very large noodle.  
  
Voldemort then took a large fish (that just happened to be there) and whacked Harry with it causing him to magically produce great big sugarquill! A Sugarquill!  
  
Harry flew off with Fawkes, who appeared for no apparent reason,  
  
and together they flew off into the sunset, effectivly burning out  
  
their eyes.  
  
Meanwhile, back at Harry's house The Dursleys were having  
  
a party. The guest of honor was Mrs. Figg. She was wearing a glittery  
  
green belly-dancing costume that she just happened to find in Snape's  
  
wardrobe. (As the new DADA professor, Mrs. Figg had to scour Hogwarts  
  
for objects potentially full of Dark magic, and this was one of her  
  
more unusual discoveries.)  
  
Suddenly, Gilderoy Lockhart waltzes into the party, wearing a similar  
  
costume, only in lilac. "Wow! We're twins!" Lockhart chortled.  
  
Suddenly, a voice added in "Don't yer mean TRIPLETS!". It was Hagrid  
  
in full belly-dancing costume. Complete with a belly-jewel. The  
  
"Tummy Triplets", as they now called themselves, began to dance to  
  
a sad, mournful gypsy tune, as the "triplets" did a wonderfully  
  
heart wrenching interpretive dance. Sometime in the duration of this  
  
beautiful sight, The-Boy-Who-Has-A-Nice-Butt (aka Draco) walked in  
  
wearing the latest dragonhide pants from Gladrags, that he had  
  
managed to get on sale for only 40 Galleons. Putting his hands on his  
  
hips, he positioned his sensual lips into a pout, saying,  
  
"Green was SO last season."  
  
"Now, Harry baby...about last night...we were drunk and young and I  
  
want you to know it meant nothing, NOTHING to me. That is all."  
  
Harry responded by smashing Aunt Petunia's special pudding in Malfoy's  
  
face,  
  
"Sod off, Malfoy - I don't know what you're talking about!"  
  
Bawling noisily, Malfoy ran away, back to his mother Narcissa,  
  
who turned to him and said,  
  
"Well really Malfoy, what did you expect an ugly runt like you?  
  
Now go and find you're father he's trying to catch the monkeys"  
  
Draco left and Voldemort ran after screaming,  
  
"You didn't try my bloody noodles!!"  
  
"Nobody appreciates me around here!" Pouted Moldy Voldy. "I work,  
  
and I slave, all day long and into the night, torturing Muggles left  
  
and right! And for what?! That's IT! I'm... "  
  
What will the manically depressed Dark Lord do next?? Find out in the next chapter! 


End file.
